혼자일 때 더 잘하는 아이 : 꼴찌 엄마도 성공한 1등 육아법

다크홀스

저자:다크홀스

"진짜숨은실력자"라는뜻의필명인"다크홀스"작가는서울공립초등학교17년차현직교사이자,초등학교남매를둔학부모로서,담임및영어교과교사와다채로운업무를경험한바있다.학교현장에서다양한학년의학생및학부모님과의소통으로요즘부모님들의육아걱정과관심사들을모아책으로만들었다.특히작가는병약한몸과독박육아에직장맘이라는힘든조건에도신개념<유초등독립육아실천법>으로”어디를내어놓아도칭찬받는아이”로두자녀를양육하고있다.

추천사4
프롤로그16

Part1고정관념깨뜨리기

요즘엄마들·················································31
사건에대한견해차이·······································37
자존감·감정육아의현실·····································49
육아의목표는높은회복탄력성·······························54
육아는디테일의종합예술····································65

Part2혼자일때더잘하는아이로키우는비법

3단계시뮬레이션기법·······································73
규칙은비인간적이지않다····································90
3단계피드백하는법······································108
3단계시뮬레이션실천사례1-미용실에혼자가기-·················112
3단계시뮬레이션실천사례2-영화관에혼자가기-·················144
아동의능력을업그레이드한다·······························157

Part3규칙을잘지키게하려면

규칙은어마어마하게중요하다·······························181
〈스스로잘하는아이〉로만드는규칙훈육법··················188
즉각적훈육이필요할때····································198
떼부리는아이대처법·······································203
자녀의도발에휘둘리지않는법·····························209
권위에도전하는아이들·····································215
규칙다지기················································227
부모는자발적‘을’이다······································246

Part4게임미디어중독을막으려면

독립과방치는다르다·······································253
부모도게임을공부해라·····································267
우리아들게임통제법······································272
우리딸스마트폰통제법····································283

Part5문제해결력이높은아이로만들려면

메타인지공부법············································291
자기주도학습을잘하게하려면·······························300
친구같은부모되면큰일난다·······························328
즉각대답하지마라·········································333
갈등은좋은것이다·········································341

Part6책잘읽는아이로만들려면

책을싫어하는아이는없다··································349
학습만화를읽는아이들····································353
독서습관은선택아닌필수·································363
국어의중요성이커지고있다································367
문해력키우는노하우·······································371
나의책육아전쟁기········································376

Part7꼴찌엄마도성공한1등육아법

당신은세계최고의엄마다··································401
꼴찌엄마의육아투쟁기····································410
엄마가편해야자녀도편하다································415
다양한육아관이함께하는세상······························419
에필로그424

육아는“평안~~”입니다

우리는초·중·고·대학을거치며그누구에게도부모가되는법을배우지못했습니다.이처럼‘육아’란무엇인가에대해배우지못한상태에서,우리에게노출된육아TV의모습이곧‘육아이런것이다’란관념을정의하는시대를살게되었습니다.연예인들이나와아이를종일쫓아다니다결국피곤에지쳐쓰러지는장면,버릇없는아이를통제하지못해어쩔줄몰라눈물을흘리는어른들의모습,학습을거부하는아이와실랑이가벌어지는모습등을보며우리는알게모르게“아~육아란힘든것이구나!부모란쓰러질만큼노력해야할버거운것이구나”라는관념이생기게된것같습니다.

그리하여아이를낳지않겠다는새로운세대들이점점늘어나며출산율0.7%인시대를살고있습니다.그들에게아이를낳는다는것은곧힘들고,어려우며,나의삶을즐기지도못하고‘육아의노예‘로서희생만해야하는그것이니까요.현재의부모들역시[BeforeandAfter]의놀라운육아드라마를시청하며,[1:1대화],[애착형성][감정육아][자존감육아]란추세적육아관,관련육아서및유튜브등에점점과잉몰입이되고있는듯합니다.아이의감정을읽어주는게잘못된것이아닙니다.아이에게사랑을주는게잘못된것이아닙니다.원칙과규칙이없는육아,자녀의감정상태에따라이랬다저랬다끌려다니는육아,과잉친절을베푸느라훈육을못하는육아,교육자인부모의권위를잃어버리는육아,아이가내눈앞에없으면불안해지는육아,죄책감이지배하는육아,가문제가되는것입니다.

그결과로집단생활의첫출발인학교에서관찰되는요즘학생들의변화된모습과[공교육추락]이라는사회적흐름을볼때,총체적으로우리는잘못된교육의방향으로나아가고있음을알수있습니다.한편,작년서이초교사의49재추모인“공교육멈춤의날,”많은학부모님께서찬성하시며함께노력해주셨습니다.즉,우리모두는“내아이를잘키우고싶은부모”일뿐입니다.

그리하여〈혼자일때더잘하는아이〉의독립육아가그어느때보다도절실히필요한때입니다.우리아이는문제아가아닙니다.아이의능력을인정해주고믿어주어야합니다.높은회복탄력성을가진미래인재로키우는한차원높은육아법을선택해야할시점입니다.더이상학교따로육아따로가아닙니다.학교와육아가서로연계되는실천적육아법이필요합니다.내아이의기질,성향,나이,성장속도에맞추어부모의육아가아이와함께변하고함께성장하는교육이되어야할것입니다..

육아는절대로힘든것이아닙니다.육아는부모의일방적희생만을요구하는것은더더욱아닙니다.육아는“자녀와나의삶이공유”되는중간점입니다.부모가육아를쉽고편하게생각할때,아이는보다자주적이고똑똑하고강인하게클수있습니다.그리하여육아는“평안~”입니다.부모도아이로부터의[정서독립]을하여좀더당당해져야할것입니다.그리하여〈혼자일때더잘하는아이〉는이시대에육아불안에계신많은학부모님에게실질적인도움이되리라생각됩니다.