이젠 엄마의 감정을 돌볼 시간이다 (마음이 아픈 엄마들을 위한 감정공부)

윤정희

한때는대학교정에서학생들을가르치는여성과학자의길을꿈꾸며살았다.
고분자화학을전공한이학박사로연구자의삶을이어가던중,출산후육아를전담하기위해전업주부의길을선택했다.

이후우연한기회로국가연구소에서연구위으로재직하며잠시멈췄던연구경력을다시이어갈수있었다.아주특출나거나눈에띄는성과를내는연구자는아니었지만,육아와일을병행할수있었던그시간은충분히만족스러웠다.

그러나갑작스러운시련을겪으며인생의방향은다시한번바뀌었다.평생계속할것이라믿었던연구자의길을내려놓고,살아가기위해새로운길을찾는시간이시작되었다.그과정에서당연하다고믿어왔던것들이결코당연하지않다는사실을깨달았고,시간이지날수록‘더의미있는사람으로살아가고싶다’는마음이깊어졌다.

어두운터널을지나던어느순간,한줄기빛이보이기시작했다.그빛을따라여성과학자에서상담과치유의영역으로,그리고작가이자한국학교교사로삶의지평을넓혀가며일상의의미를다시쌓아가고있다.

저서로는《괜찮아,두려워하지말고걸어가봐》,《일상속나를만나다》가있으며,공저로《괜찮은오늘,꿈꾸는나》,《내인생을바꾼사람들》,《내인생의첫기억》,《가족해방일지》가있다.

*블로그|[https://m.blog.naver.com/remeru](https://m.blog.naver.com/remeru)

추천사·····················4

프롤로그···················5

Chapter1.아이보다엄마의마음이우선이다
1.엄마가되고서모든것이달라졌다·······································18
2.왜맨날미안한엄마인걸까············································24
3.아프고나서야엄마자신을만나게된다··································30

Chapter2.엄마가되고서마음이아프다-엄마의부정적감정
1.이길끝에행복은있을까-우울의터널·································38
2.매일흔들다리를걷는기분이다-불안의연속···························46
3.움직여야하는데몸이말을듣지않는다-무기력의늪··················53

4.분명열심히살아왔는데이룬것이아무것도없다-상실과공허의의미·····59
5.혼자낯선곳으로가기가두렵다-엄마의분리불안·······················66
6.나는항상왜부족한것일까-불행을이끄는열등감·······················71
7.숨어있던나의아픔을만나다-내면아이와의만남·······················79
8.새로운것에도전하기가두렵다-자존감의근거···························87
9.사람을만날수록더외롭다-외로움의진실·······························95
10.나때문에아이가잘못되는것같다-죄책감의그림자103
11.왜이렇게힘들고벅찰까-부담감의무게·································110
12.몸이힘들때마다남편한테화가난다-반사된화······················118

Chapter3.아픈엄마의감정을받아들이는과정
1.나를흔드는것은환경이아니라바로나다····························124
2.이가아프면치과에,마음이아프면정신의학과에간다·············132
3.놀랍게도나를일으켜주는것은사람이아니라글이다138
4.내가좋아하는것을하기로했다······································149
5.나를돌보는연습을하다·············································159

Chapter4.감정공부를통하여회복하기위한발버둥-홀로서기하는법

1.감정이나의삶을좌우한다-핵심감정알기·····························170
2.잠시머물다갔으면좋겠다-‘핵심감정’과대화하기····················187
3더이상무너지지않을거야-‘방어기제’찾기····························195
4.내면아이상처에서벗어나는거야-내면아이치료······················202
5.이제는내가좋은선택을할것이야-행동강령만들기················208
6.약보다글쓰기가더좋다-감사일기,칭찬일기,확언일기·············216
7.나의행복은내가만든다-세로토닌의중요성··························222
8.생각하기전에움직여야한다-시작의의미····························228
9.매일오전두시간이나를일으켜준다-작은습관만들기238
10.내삶의의미를찾아길을나선다-과거의만남_창조가치,경험가치247
11.50~60대삶의길을지금40대에만든다-미래의만남_태도가치252

Chapter5.감정공부후달라지기시작한것들-엄마의긍정적감정

1.그토록미웠으나용서해주기로했다-용서의이유···················260
2.남편을더이해했다면아프지않았을것이다-반성의중요성·267
3.다시태어나도결혼을택할것이다-사랑의시작························276
4.엄마가먼저믿어야삶이바뀐다-믿음의필요성························283
5.아이는엄마를다시태어나게해주는존재다-감사의파동·········292
6.이별연습을하다_자녀독립,부모님의부고-수용의자세299
7.과거에그랬고지금도꿈을꾼다-깨달음의진실·······················305

Chapter6.이제서야엄마의길을걷는다
1.너희도엄마처럼살길바란다············································316
2.친정엄마의시간은천천히흘렀으면좋겠다·····························320
3.이제는내가당신에게큰힘이되어줄게·································326
4.어제는우울이찾아왔고,오늘은행복이찾아온다···················332

에필로그··································································338

지금,엄마인나는어떤감정을안고살아가고있나요?

이책은
엄마들이애써외면해온감정들을있는그대로바라보는데서출발한다.우울,불안,상실감,열등감,분리불안,죄책감….이감정들은약함의증거가아니라그동안최선을다해살아왔다는흔적임을차분하게설명한다.

저자는오랜시간마음이아픈사람들의이야기를가까이에서들으며감정이어떻게쌓이고,어떻게삶을흔들며,어떻게다시회복의길로이어질수있는지를지켜봐왔다.
그경험을바탕으로감정을이해하고돌보는현실적인방법을이책에담아냈다.

*자주반복되는핵심감정을알아차리는법
*감정과싸우지않고대화하는연습
*감추어두었던내면아이를만나는과정
*감정을삶의방향으로바꾸는행동강령
*감사·칭찬·확언일기를통해마음을단단히하는법

이모든과정은억지로긍정해지기위한훈련이아니다.
나자신을비난하지않고,조금덜아프게살아가기위한연습이다.

엄마의마음이회복될때,아이의삶도자연스럽게달라진다.
엄마의말과표정,선택과태도는아이에게가장깊은배움이되기때문이다.

이책은말한다.아이를위하는가장좋은방법은먼저엄마자신의감정을돌보는일이라고.
지금이순간,엄마의마음을살피는데서변화는시작된다고.

엄마의감정은늘뒷전이었다.
아이의감정,남편의감정,가족의감정을챙기느라정작엄마자신의마음은
“나중에”,“괜찮아질때”로미뤄두었다.

《이젠엄마의감정을돌볼시간이다》는
그‘나중’을지금으로불러온책이다.

이책이특별한이유는엄마의아픔을단순히공감하는데서멈추지않기때문이다.
저자는감정의원인을파고들고,그감정과어떻게함께살아갈것인지를구체적으로안내한다.

특히

*감정과대화하는방법
*무너진자존감을회복하는과정
*감정을행동으로전환하는연습
은독자가바로실천할수있도록구성되어있다.

이책을읽는동안독자는
‘좋은엄마’가되기위해애쓰는자신이아니라,이미충분히잘살아온한사람으로서의자신을다시만나게된다.

엄마의마음이건강해질때,아이의미래도달라진다.그출발점이바로이책이다.