그대는 할말을 어디에 두고 왔는가

허수경

지은이:허수경
경남진주에서태어났다.그곳에서자라고대학역시그곳에서다녔다.오래된도시,그진주가도시에대한원체험이었다.낮은한옥들,골목들,그사이사이에있던오래된식당들과주점들.그인간의도시에서새어나오던불빛들이내정서의근간이었다.대학을졸업하고밥을벌기위해서울로올라왔고그무렵에시인이되었다.처음에는봉천동에서살다가방송국스크립터생활을하면서이태원,원당,광화문근처에서셋방을얻어살기도했다.

1992년늦가을독일로왔다.나에게는집이라는개념이없었다.셋방아니면기숙사방이내삶의거처였다.작은방하나만을지상에얻어놓고유랑을하는것처럼독일에서살면서공부했고,여름방학이면그방마저독일에두고오리엔트로발굴을하러가기도했다.발굴장의숙소는텐트이거나여러명이함께지내는임시로지어진방이었다.발굴을하면서,폐허가된옛도시를경험하면서,인간의도시들은영원하지않다는것을뼈저리게알았다.도시뿐아니라우리모두이지상에서영원히거처하지못할거라는것도사무치게알았다.

서울에서살때두권의시집『슬픔만한거름이어디있으랴』『혼자가는먼집』을발표했다.두번째시집인『혼자가는먼집』의제목을정할때그것이어쩌면나라는자아의미래가될것이라는예감이들었다.독일에서살면서세번째시집『내영혼은오래되었으나』를내었을때이미나는참많은폐허도시를보고난뒤였다.나는사라지는모든것들이그냥사라지지않는다는것을짐작했다.물질이든생명이든유한한주기를살다가사라져갈때그들의영혼은어디인가에남아있다는생각을했다.

뮌스터대학에서고고학을공부하고박사학위를받으면서학교라는제도속에서공부하기를멈추고글쓰기로돌아왔다.그뒤로시집『청동의시간감자의시간』『빌어먹을,차가운심장』『누구도기억하지않는역에서』,산문집『모래도시를찾아서』『너없이걸었다』,장편소설『박하』『아틀란티스야,잘가』『모래도시』,동화책『가로미와늘메이야기』『마루호리의비밀』,번역서『슬픈란돌린』『끝없는이야기』『사랑하기위한일곱번의시도』『그림형제동화집』등을펴냈다.

동서문학상,전숙희문학상,이육사문학상을수상했다.

2018년현재뮌스터에서살고있다.  

개정판서문····························4
초판추천사····························6

001―이름없는나날들······················15
002―마당있는집························16
003―동화라구요?························17
004―정원사의영혼·······················18
005―꽃밥···························19
006―막걸리속의꽃잎······················20
007―가네쉬의코끼리머리····················21
008―작은사람·························22
009―늙은학생·························24
010―입맛···························26
011―썩어가는쇠고기,찢긴인형··················27
012―대구촌놈,코스모폴리탄···················28
013―노란잠수함························30
014―아픈가,우리는?·······················31
015―오래된허기························32

첫번째편지:베트남요리책―이문재시인에게···············33

016―시커먼내속························43
017―노새이야기························44
018―증기기관을와트의아버지가아니라와트가발명한까닭······46
019―묘비없는묘비명······················47
020―내속의또다른나······················48
021―살아있는도서관······················50
022―이건죽고사는문젠데····················51
023―가소로운욕심·······················52
024―베를린시장························54
025―누구도아님의장미·····················55
026―소녀전사·························56
027―종교의중립성·······················57
028―점심비빔밥························58
029―별들은··························59
030―어두움,사무침·······················60

두번째편지:수메르어를배우는시간―차창룡시인에게···········61

031―비단집··························70
032―곰이또실수를했나?·····················71
033―처음본죽음························72
034―내가날씨에따라서변하는사람같냐구요?············74
035―마음속의등불·······················76
036―축제···························77
037―단풍···························78
038―지구는둥글다·······················79
039―냉전시대,복제인간·····················80
040―욕지기··························82
041―날틀···························83
042―우리모두는························84
043―북경오리만드는법·····················85
044―살아가는조건을밝히는숫자·················86
045―간먹는계모························88

세번째편지:발굴을하면서빛에대하여생각하기―김지하선생님께······89

046―가족계획실천마을·····················99
047―품종개량·························100
048―평화주의자························101
049―새장···························102
050―오스턴··························104
051―상처의어두움·······················106
052―불안한날·························107
053―모든것의시작을좇는자··················108
054―예쁜뒤꼭지························109
055―진흙개··························110
056―어이,탑골이야·······················112
057―잡초를위하여·······················114
058―호박잎바나나잎······················116
059―울고있는마리아······················117
060―엘람인들의비둘기국····················118

네번째편지:종모양의토기,그리고과거를바라보기,아니지나간시간을
소처럼우물거리기,벗들을그리워하기―주인석벗에게··········119

061―하늘길,지상길·······················127
062―거품의눈물························128
063―목장우유·························129
064―사라의집·························130
065―고마웠다,그생의어떤시간·················131
066―문화인··························132
067―하마이야기························133
068―고추말리는마을······················134
069―목마름··························135
070―나는단한번도······················136
071―새의풍장·························138
072―죽음을맞이하는힘·····················139
073―호상···························140
074―인생?··························142
075―호머심슨의세계······················144

다섯번째편지:킬링슈트라세,양파썩는냄새가나던집·········145

076―에어리어51························164
077―부정···························165
078―광우병··························166
079―누워서바다를지나가기···················168
080―내친구히틀러?······················170
081―원자력발전소를지나며···················171
082―끓인맥주·························172
083―목련꽃그늘에누워·····················173
084―이지상의집값·······················174
085―이른봄음식·······················176
086―말,말··························178
087―산지기의집························180
088―전쟁과졸업························182
089―그것···························184
090―지극한마음························185

여섯번째편지:기숙사의봄을맞으며떠나올때를생각하기,
혹은아직낯선곳에머물고있는이유를생각하기―혜경에게·······187

091―무소식··························194
092―팥죽이별·························195
093―유등놀이·························196
094―피냄새나는이름들·····················198
095―살기좋은곳·······················200
096―옛날이가지않는이름···················202
097―건조한초원지역의목화밭··················204
098―독재자··························205
099―어느측량사의여행가방··················206
100―전갈에게물린남자·····················208
101―결정적인순간을앞에두고도망치기··············211
102―동백꽃··························212
103―공부할만한사람······················213
104―중세의조건························214
105―보기에민망하다,고느끼는나는?···············216

일곱번째편지:난쉐와그여신이보호했던많은이를위하여·······217

106―한달생활비·······················226
107―인간이점치지못하는일··················227
108―옛동독지방에서는지금무슨일이일어나고있을까?·······228
109―칠성사이다························229
110―물고기떡·························230
111―환한멸치볶음·······················232
112―한국식품점························233
113―개를